Hatred and Tears
by pink-cherry-005
Summary: "Are you rid of all your worries and fears?" Even now, I really wasn't sure. Manga Chapter 46-47 /Yuuki/ Edited September 2011.


Hatred and Tears

_Zero. . ._

My legs shook a little as I stopped. An isolated street with the faintest of life from a flickering lamppost surrounded me. Snow was falling gently, the flakes nesting in my hair. I kept my eyes straight, not once attending to the scene that only played in the cold, dark months such as this.

Bodies of vampires are immune to frigid temperatures. . .but why am I shivering? I clutch the icy lamppost with my nearest hand as soon as my limbs go numb; I crumble to my knees, which popped hard as they met the slick concrete. Pain evaporated dully.

For once, I felt a bit of warmth engulf me. It's my eyes that become warm, moist with large tears that drip to the ground and cascade down my cheeks. I sniffle loudly, stifling the volume by covering my mouth and nose with my pale hand.

"Zero," I cry softly, "I don't want to be. . .your enemy. . ."

I had said that. _"Then, I'll keep running away from you," _I recalled from tonight. _"If having an enemy. . .gives you a reason to live."_

_'Could there be another way?' _

Must we deny each other of the bonds we shared for the past four years?

I realize that this is what beasts do: we state things we don't mean because we're full of arrogance.

_"Yuuki, there's something that I need to ask you, now that you've regained your memories_. . ."

I gasped raggedly, then shook my head while gripping it with my hands. _'Go away, Zero!'_

But the thoughts wouldn't cease as his words continued, _"Are you rid of all your worries and fears?"_

". . .Yes," I uttered to the soundless wind.

But even now. . .

. . .I really wasn't sure.

Zero and I. . .are drifting apart. I worried what this would do to our friendship. I feared he would meet me again, with eyes the color of blood, and kill me.

That sent more child tears down my face. I already knew he threatened to kill all Purebloods. I was just too proud to acknowledge it.

_"I cannot. . .die yet," _I had said when he pointed Bloody Rose from afar, toward my face.

_"The Yuuki I know. . .is she inside you?" _Was she?

_". . .She is_. . ._but she might soon dissolve and disappear forever. . ." _But when would that be?_  
_

Another part of my words entered my mind. _"The Yuuki you once knew. . .is gone. . .because the vampire Yuuki. . .devoured her." _Had she?

When I was human, I recall committing a sin with Zero, letting him drink my blood when he needed or desired it.

Two vampires in love - one pureblood and one racing to Level E - was a sin all in itself. Zero kissed me, but there's a reason I closed my eyes.

Human Yuuki. She'd taken over my being, uninvited. The vampire me had every desire to stake Artemis Scythe through his heart just as I did to my own Uncle Rido.

_"You could kill me right now!" _he shouted with a much trembling hand on the trigger.

But I didn't. _She _wouldn't let me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered against the tall metal stand. "I'm not the right person..."

_But the vampire me is who I truly am._

Zero loved me before I once again became Yuuki Kuran.

_"I will kill you."_

Every other statement Zero had made after kissing me seemed too overwhelming to hear except that one.

He said he'd kill Yuuki Kuran.

But did he mean it? Is that just what vampires are, creatures that say such absurd things? Was killing me his true desire? _Did Zero hate me?_

"Ka-Kaname-sama. . ." I wipe my eyes miserably, my lips trembling.

I only wanted my lover next to me. To drink the blood of the only man I desired.

_'Kaname-sama. . .'_

Wait, I just called him sama! He hated when I did, sugarcoating the fact thay I could never give all of myself to him and intimately call him just "Kaname." If I couldn't do that, then maybe I_ am_ in love with Zero. I suddenly wanted Zero, my lover, next to me.

But I'm alone, only accompanied by the lamppost, which hates me, too, flickering until it died as I stared into the light bulb.

* * *

My first VK one-shot! Hope you enjoyed it!


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